What’s in a name?

I have had been with the mr. since I was just seventeen years old. Married at nineteen. Four babies by the time I was twenty-one. All of my adult life was defined by those two roles. Mother and wife. We would have been married ten years in Novemeber. Now at almost 30 I find myself lost. I made the decision to end the marriage for alot of reasons, which I may go into one day.

In the process of moving on I have been trying to start fresh. New blog, email, twitter ect. and I have a bit of a problem. While I am not divorced I will be. Then I have to decide what to do about my last name.

When I was young I was a staunch feminist. My parents had encouraged me to be an individual and I spent alot of time with my dad helping him with car repairs, concreting, building a tree house and even going to work with him on a building site (before worksafe laws LOL). I was determined back then to never change my name, even IF I got married. Surprisingly I mellowed a bit when I got older. I mellowed even more when I met him. I gladly took his name and for ten years we were the ***** family.

But now what? Do I give up the name of my daughters. Do I suddenly become less of their mother because I don’t have the same last name? On the flip side, do I keep a name that I took because I was in love? Do I go back to my maiden name? My fathers name? He hasn’t spoken to me in eight years. Why would I want that name again? Should I take my mothers name? She is (for want of a better term) batshit crazy and there are more issues there than a therapist with a hundred years could unravel.

It is all just too complicated. Maybe I should just drop the last name entirely and be like prince or madonna. One name could work right?

project:girl

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