In the last two years my life has changed so dramatically. From a business owner and president of a charity (work-a-holic) to being unemployed. From the girls father being a stay at home dad, to me being a stay at home parent. From having kids that went to school to being a homeschool family. From being classed as “normal” to having a mental illness. From being married to being single.
I have had to accept that with homeschooling and my bipolar that my life will never again resembled the one I used to have.
One of the problems I always have (and it is a common theme with many people with bipolar) is grandiose ideas and plans. For the most part these rarely work out….well for me anyway.
And so with that in mind I decided awhile ago that I would let me 30 by 30 plan to fall by the wayside. The first issue I had is so much of what was on there required me to spend money. It’s Christmas and I am on a disability pension…so money to spend on myself is seriously lacking. The second issue is that most of it required me to leave the house. While I am leaving the house more and more since lowering my medication prior to that I had only left the house around 20-30 times in a year. It is going to take a lot of effort before I can socialise and get out the way I used to. The third issue is I put way too much pressure on myself. Causing stress, anxiety and even embarrassment when I realised I wasn’t even going to come close to doing everything on the list.
Rather than throw out the list I have decided its going to be a 30 during 30 list. A list of things I am going to attempt for myself during the whole of next year. But I am also going to take the pressure off myself for once and remind myself that it is up to me if I want to do something on it or not. The world isn’t going to cave in, no one will be disappointed in me and I will be ok if I do none of it.
The only thing I am really disappointed in – that I didn’t make as many new friends as I would like….which means having a birthday party would be kind of silly. I don’t know anyone really well enough to say come celebrate with me.