For the second week in a row I haven’t lost any weight. I knew it would come eventually – which is why I signed up for the 12WBT but I hoped that with my exercising a bit more it wouldn’t happen so soon.
I have stopped loosing weight at just under 88kgs. Before I I allow myself to be too upset that is a loss of just over 16kgs since November. Slow and steady.
My weight loss was first thanks to lowering my medication significantly. As it started to taper off I lowered the dosage again. I didn’t lower the dose too lose weight, but (if you have read the blog) because I didn’t like what medication had done to me. I was then also diagnosed with diabetes and discovered I couldn’t keep my sugars down while eating carbs. So I cut out almost all carbs and sugars from my diet and tried to stick to around 1400 calories a day and the weight continued to fall off while I sat in bed watching Spencer Tracey/Katharine Hepburn movies.Then It started to taper off again, then I lost almost 2 kgs, then back to nothing. I added in exercise, but at the same time I started adding back in carbs (much to my own detriment).
After attempting to add back in carbs with no effect on my blood sugar levels I have decided to, at least until I can see a diabetes educator, stay carb free. The carbs have left me feeling lethargic, extremely volatile in regards to mood swings, bloated and just awful. But I want to start cleaning up that diet. Initially it was filled with lean protein, salads and some yoghurt & nuts snacking on tins of tuna in spring water when I was really hungry. Now I admit I sometimes eat a big plate of bacon and eggs twice a day and find myself reaching more and more for the protein bars. The amount of fat in my diet has totally sky rocketed.
I also am going to slowly try to get closer to 1200 calories a day, without counting my salmon oil capsules (I take 10 a day which works out to be almost 100 calories on their own…but that is for my mental health, so not negotiable). This week I am going to try to stick to 1350 or less, the following week 1300 or less – and so on.
Exercise. I don’t like it. I also didn’t like pushing myself to exhaustion as it ended up leaving me unable to exercise for awhile. My gym trial is up tomorrow and I won’t be renewing it. The main reason behind it is the hours. I am currently sleeping about 5am-5pm. By the time I am concious enough to do anything they are closed, or I have missed the last bus. But I have enjoyed going and am going to look into the basic no frills gym literally 100m from my house that is open 24 hours a day. I am also going to try to commit to just 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week (with a rest day in between). While I am so proud of what I achieved with my 30km in a week challenge….I am currently in a fragile state of mind. I need to focus on my mental health more than anything at the moment.But I do love my swimming. The gym across the road doesn’t have a pool…but it looks like we are going swimming as a family once a week now (with the girls best homeschool friends) so I can swim then.
Doctors & Psychologists. I have had an appointment to see my new GP almost every day for the last 2 weeks and haven’t once gone. I am up long after she leaves the office and sleeping, any time, is so important for my sanity that I have decided to stop fighting it and just sleep when I can for the time being. I really need to see her to try to get some help in managing my sleep cycles better. I also am in desperate need of psych help to move forward. I am keeping myself just barely sane at the moment. The slightest thing could tip and I would be back to where I was a week ago (investigating the possibility of going back into hospital).
Medication. I have decided, at 150mg, to hold off on reducing any more. I still don’t have the clarity I want, or have many of the side effects lifted. I can read again though which is absolutely divine. I have read about 4 books in the last 2 weeks. At the moment I am too unstable to push myself by lowering the medication. Again, if I lower it and crumble and end up back in hospital I will loose the ability to make that decision for myself and will no doubt end up back on everything that has taken me forever to get off.
Stagnant. It really is how I feel at the moment. There is so much I want to do and try, so many plans I keep making and breaking….but if I push and fall apart….well I just don’t want to. Focus needs to be on my mental health first, physical health second and everything else after.
wish me luck and momentum