Stagnant

For the second week in a row I haven’t lost any weight. I knew it would come eventually – which is why I signed up for the 12WBT but I hoped that with my exercising a bit more it wouldn’t happen so soon.

I have stopped loosing weight at just under 88kgs. Before I I allow myself to be too upset that is a loss of just over 16kgs since November. Slow and steady.

My weight loss was first thanks to lowering my medication significantly. As it started to taper off I lowered the dosage again. I didn’t lower the dose too lose weight, but (if you have read the blog) because I didn’t like what medication had done to me. I was then also diagnosed with diabetes and discovered I couldn’t keep my sugars down while eating carbs. So I cut out almost all carbs and sugars from my diet and tried to stick to around 1400 calories a day and the weight continued to fall off while I sat in bed watching Spencer Tracey/Katharine Hepburn movies.Then It started to taper off again, then I lost almost 2 kgs, then back to nothing. I added in exercise, but at the same time I started adding back in carbs (much to my own detriment).

After attempting to add back in carbs with no effect on my blood sugar levels I have decided to, at least until I can see a diabetes educator, stay carb free. The carbs have left me feeling lethargic, extremely volatile in regards to mood swings, bloated and just awful. But I want to start cleaning up that diet. Initially it was filled with lean protein, salads and some yoghurt & nuts snacking on tins of tuna in spring water when I was really hungry. Now I admit I sometimes eat a big plate of bacon and eggs twice a day and find myself reaching more and more for the protein bars. The amount of fat in my diet has totally sky rocketed.

I also am going to slowly try to get closer to 1200 calories a day, without counting my salmon oil capsules (I take 10 a day which works out to be almost 100 calories on their own…but that is for my mental health, so not negotiable). This week I am going to try to stick to 1350 or less, the following week 1300 or less – and so on.

Exercise. I don’t like it. I also didn’t like pushing myself to exhaustion as it ended up leaving me unable to exercise for awhile. My gym trial is up tomorrow and I won’t be renewing it. The main reason behind it is the hours. I am currently sleeping about 5am-5pm. By the time I am concious enough to do anything they are closed, or I have missed the last bus. But I have enjoyed going and am going to look into the basic no frills gym literally 100m from my house that is open 24 hours a day. I am also going to try to commit to just 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week (with a rest day in between). While I am so proud of what I achieved with my 30km in a week challenge….I am currently in a fragile state of mind. I need to focus on my mental health more than anything at the moment.But I do love my swimming. The gym across the road doesn’t have a pool…but it looks like we are going swimming as a family once a week now (with the girls best homeschool friends) so I can swim then.

Doctors & Psychologists. I have had an appointment to see my new GP almost every day for the last 2 weeks and haven’t once gone. I am up long after she leaves the office and sleeping, any time, is so important for my sanity that I have decided to stop fighting it and just sleep when I can for the time being. I really need to see her to try to get some help in managing my sleep cycles better. I also am in desperate need of psych help to move forward. I am keeping myself just barely sane at the moment. The slightest thing could tip and I would be back to where I was a week ago (investigating the possibility of going back into hospital).

Medication. I have decided, at 150mg, to hold off on reducing any more. I still don’t have the clarity I want, or have many of the side effects lifted. I can read again though which is absolutely divine. I have read about 4 books in the last 2 weeks. At the moment I am too unstable to push myself by lowering the medication. Again, if I lower it and crumble and end up back in hospital I will loose the ability to make that decision for myself and will no doubt end up back on everything that has taken me forever to get off.

Stagnant. It really is how I feel at the moment. There is so much I want to do and try, so many plans I keep making and breaking….but if I push and fall apart….well I just don’t want to. Focus needs to be on my mental health first, physical health second and everything else after.

wish me luck and momentum

project:girl

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8 thoughts on “Stagnant

  1. I think your mental health is definitely the most important thing at the moment! You have done so well with your weight loss so far regardless, so don’t stress too much about it.

    If I can offer some advice, I don’t think you really need to go as low as 1200 calories per day to lose weight. I eat about 1400 per day and am 5’2″ and 63kg, and usually eat a little more when I work out as well. 1200 calories is the absolute minimum recommendation for women, and that should only be if you’re inactive and weigh very little. You don’t want to starve your body!

    Obviously you’re seeing a doctor and I know nothing about diabetes, so this is all just advice from my experiences. Just something to think about, I hope you’re not offended! xx

    • Hi Lovely,

      not offended at all. First off my original doctor told me 1400 calories and said eventually I would need to get down closer to 1200 as I am a completely inactive person. Even when I exercise you have to remember I spent the rest of my time in bed. The girls father gets me all my meals and I really only get up to use the loo. 1200 calories is probably what I should have been eating the last 2 years if I wanted to stay the weight I was. But thank you for your concern 🙂

  2. So frustrating for you – sorry it’s all happening at once; there’s not a lot to love about feeling stagnant, although at least you aren’t going in the opposite direction! That could easily be the case, but it’s not and you should be so proud of everything you’ve achieved so quickly!

    I know it’s maybe not easy / possible with your diabetes, but the only way I’ve ever been able to kick a plateau was by spiking my intake (carbs, fat, sugar, etc.) for a day by a max of 1500 calories, and then going back to lean protein only again.

    Also, protein bars are no good – I know they’re quick and easy and readily available, but real food is always better than ‘fake’ food!

    I wish we lived closer to one another so I could go to the gym with you – I need it like crazy!

    Like Jennifer said, mental health is definitely the priority – I really hope you can manage to see the psych and get the sleep patterns back on track. Can’t imagine how frustrated you must be 😦

    • Thanks – I am, I am just such an impatient person. I hate standing still. It was one thing to stand still when I was medicated up to my eyeballs…it killed any of my desires, but now as my brain and personality are coming back I just can’t stand it! Must learn to be more patient and also to remember everything I have done up til now (I tend to forget that).

      I know they are so bad. But when you have no energy to do anything … they are just too easy to do. They also taste like shit LOL. It’s not even like I enjoy them.

      And I wish you lived closer too….too late to change your house to Point Cook? 😛

  3. Take things slow – I think it’s normal to “stagnate” a little bit at some stage in the weight loss journey. The fact is that even if you do a little exercise, you are still getting fitter and healthier and toning up. Muscle weighs more than fat too.

    Also, I find that diets really affect my mood – and you definitely don’t want to be depriving yourself of essential nutrients etc if you feel your mental health is in the balance. I also find that sugars and carbs are terrible for contributing to moodswings, so perhaps this experimentation could have contributed to your mental state?

    The fact is, you have made tremendous progress since November and you might need to slow down a little bit to avoid falling over and going backwards.

    I definitely wish you luck, but not momentum. Momentum can contribute to going too fast and loosing control. I honestly believe that slow and steady is imperative when you are changing your lifestyle. Well done and keep it up, but take it slow!

    • I think I am actually going to see about being tested for gluten intolerance – because if my blood sugars manage low gi carbs, but my mood/health can’t it might be an intolerance or mild allergy. Adding that to the list of (way too many) things to talk to the doctor about.

      thanks for the support.

    • I have read everything I can get my hands on and almost all of it is generic and a “see how your blood sugars go” approach. We have found a diabetes educator in the area – I just need a referral from my doctor and to be awake sometime during the day!

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