How do you put one foot in front of the other when one isn’t working?

I have hurt my ankle. I am not quite sure what happened. It was achey after day three on the reclining bike. Then I followed that up with a romp around Bendigo (to see the Grace Kelly exhibit) and I have barely been able to walk on it since. To comfort myself I have sat in bed downing panadine and eating carbs…because if things are bad, why not make them worse? Then of course I was feeling even worse after eating carbs. Headaches. Body aches. Nausea. Blarg.

With things going downhill fast I started to avoid the 12WBT website and forums. How was I suppose to do anything I cried pathetically to myself. Stupid body always lets me down.

Also I was in a foul mood all week. Really bitterly angry. Grrr.

Of course after two days of carbs I made myself sick enough to remember I don’t even get any enjoyment out of them any more and I was being stupid. Eating something just to “rebel” when you get absolutely nothing out of it…yup, stupid. Thankfully I no longer seem to get carb withdrawals after I “slip up”. My body craves protein and whole foods. Salad, surprisingly, makes everything all better. I haven’t even had my sugarless chocolate in weeks.

I decided last night it was time to catch up on my 12wbt “stuff” – which meant watching my preseason videos. The last time I spoke about it I had just watched the first preseason video about excuses. After that came goal setting. I had to think about what I wanted to get out of 12WBT…and my life. Is it too much to hope for a day when I can be my old self? Have someone find a cure for mental illness? Yes…ok, well back to reality then.

It was broken up into 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 12 months goals. It’s all too easy to assign a number to it “I want to lose xx kilos so I weigh xx”. But given that I have been reading more on weight loss and body image (I highly recommend Portia De Rossi’s Book “Incredible Lightness” for insight into eating disorders) and my daughters (one of whom has already shown signs of the starts of eating disorders) and what is achievable that really, I want to change my focus from weight loss to health and fitness.So what are my goals in regard to 12WBT…

1 Month

  • Increase exercise to 30 minutes per day, 6 times a week (when I am able to function “normally”)
  • Increase my vegetable intake to 5 cups a day to make sure I am getting my 5 & 2 (and to stop me from binging on food that isn’t so great)
  • Lower my sodium intake to under 1500mg per day

To achieve these goals I just need to get moving and make sure I do a proper shop and meal plan. To lower my sodium intake I need to start preparing my own sliced meats rather than relying on deli items. If I cook and freeze in 100g batches I can do this easily.

3 Months

  • Run/Jog without stopping to walk (or pass out) for 5km
  • Be able to perform a burlesque routine (not necessarily in public)

To achieve these ones I want to enrol in a “proper” burlesque school (Thinking of Bottoms Up Burlesque) and practice with my Jo Weldon DVD’s and for running I need to get fitted for a new pair of runners and start using my C25K running app which is an 8 week running program.

6 Months

  • To Enter (and finish) a 5km Fun Run
  • To Enter (and finish) a Mini Fun Triathlon (Like Triathlon Pink)

For this I need to start riding my bike more, not relying on the reclining gym bike and to be going swimming at least once a week to get my form back. Then I just need to remember to sign up before the cut off dates…which I almost always forget.

12 Months

  • To be able to Run/Jog without stopping for 10km
  • To be able to fit into clothing at almost any “straight” sized clothing store
  • To be as fit and healthy as I can possibly be

Once I finish my C25K program, move on to their follow up one to extend running to 10km. The rest is just time and effort put in, consistently, for the year.

Next up we had task number three “Gear Up” which meant making sure we had everything we need to start the program in two weeks. Unfortunately finances have been a tad tight so I have been going slowly at this. I have most things now I just need to be fitted for a new pair of “proper” runners at athletes foot and order my heart rate monitor. I have tonnes of exercise DVD’s (I even managed to get my hands on some of the training videos for the Les Mills classes you see at the gym…saves me having to sign up for a gym that has them) and things like hand weights, a fit ball and resistance band. I wouldn’t mind picking up a little step and maybe a medicine ball…but they aren’t necessary.

Task Four is “Say it Out Loud”. Basically making the commitment to the 12WBT and tell everyone you know. Well this one was easy…everyone I know either lives with me or reads my blog. I am also not one to hold back on what is going on in my life. The point is to make sure you can’t hide from what you are wanting to do. Well for everyone who is new…I am doing the 12WBT and I am going to exercise and eat well. My family knows. My friends (the few I have) know. It seems like this is a hard one for most people….but one of the easier ones for me. My commitment (for those interested) is “simply putting one foot in front of the other and to keep going, no matter what.”

In other semi-related news I am heading down to Geelong on Friday to have my BioAge done. You know the thing they do at the start and end of biggest loser. It may seem a bit lame…but I am really curious. I am having it done once before and once after the 12WBT. Then I will catch up with my lovely friend Lady Demelza, get some op shopping in and hopefully get to see her home with the old telephone boxes! I might even treat myself to a walk along the beach. I used to walk along the beach a lot when we used to live up North. I am not a big beach swimmer (terrified of sharks and the unknown) and I really hate sand…but I love the clarity that comes with a beach walk. The freshness. But I really must  remember it is almost winter in Melbourne and to take my coat!




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